I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
