We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My penis needs a shock collar
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
