ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
