Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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