My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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