I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
