we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
