So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize