There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm too high and old for this...
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