Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
