it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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