week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
