Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
