If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize