It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
