I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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