Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
