I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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