We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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