Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
