yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
