you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
