If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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