Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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