I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
