Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
