Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
