She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
