I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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