What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize