party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
