Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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