I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
