oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
