his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
