the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
