ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
