The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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