After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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