remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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