O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
