Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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