I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I met the friendliest cop last night
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
