I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
