An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
