This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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