I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
