for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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