smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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