why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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