Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
