Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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