Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I smell like Dick and happiness
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
