My friends, they love my intelligence
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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