So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize