On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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