I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I touched a dick in church today
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
