There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
