U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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