Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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