I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
