Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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