dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
