strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
