you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize