his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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