I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
