Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
