Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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