I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You made out with two different species that night
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I touched a dick in church today
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
