dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
