If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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