Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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