Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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