I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
