somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
