it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
