i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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