Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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