I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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