if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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