He is an equal opportunity slut.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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