Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
