Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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