Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
