so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize