I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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