I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
