I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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