Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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