i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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